Our Sunday trip to Discovery Bay was good, save for the fact that I went into the wrong ferry with Maddy and her bike at first. Mistakenly, we boarded the ferry at Ferrypoint No. 2 (which destination is Park Island http://www.shkp.com.hk/en/scripts/property/property_mall_parkisland.php) instead of at Ferrypoint No. 3 (which destination is Discovery Bay). That involved me, Maddy and her bike a delay of 70 minutes and ME lugging around the “not so light bike” around Park Island and back. Luckily, Uncle Patrick and Aria were not too fussed to have waited for us. Upon arriving DB, Maddy was quiet as usual, since she was always slow to warm up, as per my observations of her since her birth. Aria, on the other hand, was very sociable and proactive, which caught Maddy by surprise. Things gone much better after Maddy watched the Trolls at Uncle Patrick’s place and after Maddy met the dogs, Sophia and FaFa (which in Cantonese means “small flower”). In the early afternoon, Aria and Maddy played at the slides and the “spaceship” in the play area of their apartment block. When I saw how well Aria related to Uncle Patrick, I got a tad jealous. I wish Maddy is as close to me as Aria is to Uncle Patrick. At the same time, however, I am aware that (i) I like to compare with people who seems to have a better cut than me; (ii) I am the only one in Maddy’s life currently who would object to some of her ideas; and (iii) in life, dynamics and relations’ closeness are beyond one’s control. Since the infamous non-molestation order I have already tried to make sure that during the weekends and holidays, I shall have access of Maddy on my own and in the absence of Nuryati, Maddy’s favourite “aunty”. This I did and do, with the view to get as much “mom VS daughter” quality time that I could have with Maddy. It has occurred to me on many occassions to ask Nuryati to live outside from our flat (just like the way many non-Chinese households arranged with their helpers), so that I could spend more alone time with Maddy. But, Nuryati is not keen on that. And deep down, I would wish to have Nuryati around in case of unanticipated and/or emergent needs. At the end of the day, I am a multi-career and single working mom. Going forward, I will thrash out the issue with Nuryati and brainstorm on the best way forward, such that I can get more quality downtime with Maddy. At the end of the day, may be the cause of it all is that I am a perfectionist. As far as I am concerened, I am racing with time. At the blink of an eye, Maddy is 4 and once she gets older, bonding time with her would become more rare. So, balancing the act of a single career mother and a disciplinarian, against my crystal clear awareness that time does fly, is tough!!!
Anyways, thanks to Unlce Patrick, please walk through the pictures that were taken of Maddy and me on that day by visiting the following link http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=30276&page=3&id=534467792.
Filed under: Domestic Helpers
Maddy and I are blessed to have the round-the-clock help of Aunty Nuriyati or “Nuriyati Tse Tse” (meaning big sister Nuriyati).
To date, Nuriyati has already been working for us for almost 4.5 years. She came to join us a month or so before Maddy was born and she loves Maddy alot too. Witnessing the tumultuous pre-divorce situation and living with us through the infamous non-molestation order, boundaries between all of us had become naturally blurred. Maddy loves Nuryati alot and the inate jealousy that I should have (and indeed have) had to make way to accomodate the need of staibility and security that Maddy especially needs. I embrace Maddy’s fondness of me and Nuryati as a result, notwithstanding comments from otherwise advocates.
The helper phenomenon in Hong Kong is unique. Hong Kong women always gossip about their helpers and comment/criticise. To some, there seem to be a “best way” to treat the helpers and set all boundaries clear. But, in flats as small as a few hundred square footage in Hong Kong, where often 3 generations live under the same roof, what sort of boundaries could one carve out for the maid? Nuriyati used to have her own small room next to the kitchen in my old flat. But after the infamous non-molestation order, we have to move to my present apartment which is half the size, wherein she has to either sleep in the living room or share a room with Maddy. Nuriyati used to speak on the phone till the wee hours. That is her business and her choice and that has nothing to do with me. But, now that she shares a room with Maddy, it has become a different issue, which we need to put our heads together to resolve.
As a witness in my support, Nuryati has been the subject of interference. That was a very tough expereince for her and I felt really bad that she has to go through such a tough period with us and at the same time becoming involved. So, tell me, fellows out there, how could we say that boundaries between employer and the maids could be clearly set, especially in my case?
In all fairness, many of these girls have a great heart, but are often rather simple minded, given their background and up-bringing. So, I think we should give them a bit of a slack and make sure that we pay them at least their legally minimum salary and punctually. Meanwhile, being overly restrictive on their rights would also be unfair and could at times backfire.
